TransFORMing

A few weeks ago...I was enticed to attend the TransFORM east coast conference...a gathering for the missional/incarnational minded. Everything about this conference excited me, starting with the cost...which was FREE, thanks to Wesley Theological Seminary! I'm not gonna lie...a free missional conference with a lot of other possible freebie options (plane ticket, transportation from Dulles to Arlington VA...and a place to crash for the duration) made this conference completely irresistible. But, before I ever knew how financially accessible TransFORM would become for me...I was consumed with the desire to get there. I can't say for sure what the allure was for the other 200-300 people who somehow made their way to DC from all over the USA and Canada...But for me it had much less to do with the A-list speakers, smorgasbord of workshops or even the FREE part...and everything to do with a LOVE...and a compulsion for community and connection with my extended family in the Kingdom of God.

From the moment I set one foot on the Wesley campus I noticed a palpable energy...the vibe was a little like a gigantic long anticipated family reunion... We became instant cousins, nieces, nephews, aunties, uncles, brothers and sisters...through our spiritual DNA. Introductions seemed to be mere formalities because so many of us already knew the other thru social media and the blogosphere. Usually limited to virtual community (#twitter and facebook)...this gathering was a tangible opportunity for 'facetime' and hugging necks! LOVE pulsated and spilled out all over the place...It was truly beautiful. The overwhelming feeling of inter-connectivity never dissipated once for me and...and as I surveyed this unlikely family of mine...I surmised "I could *almost* imagine myself participating in 'real' church if it looked like 'this'... (o;

As much as I appreciate the 'powerhouse' keynote speakers scheduled at this FREE conference...(read: Brian McLaren and Peter Rollins) I was actually more stirred-up by the fact that the background voices in the vast arena of emergence/incarnational/missional Christianity were featured on the same platform, sharing their realities from the front lines. Though I usually devour the controversial books and provocative theological conversations the BIGGER names bring...I can honestly say I didn't come for that. I came to hear from people like Kathy Escobar of the Refuge, Anthony Smith aka Postmodernegro, Tim Condor of Emmaus Way, Phil Shepherd of The Eucatastrophy...not to mention Eliacin Rosario-Cruz, Jonathan Brink and Mark Scandrette to name a few...people I can truly relate to...some I call true friends and mentors. These are the people who are living daily this thing we call missional/incarnational...for-reals. This is what ultimately drew me to the conference and it's what inspired me. It whet my appetite for something more...even though I'm not quite sure what that is just yet.

Despite an ongoing storm of doubt and uncertainty in my mind...along with the subsequent spiritual deconstruction I 've been walking through for the past couple years, I hesitantly admit that I've recently felt pangs and provocations equally terrifying for me. I'm still standing in a heap of smoldering ashes of my past systematic theology and churchianity...but I'm compelled to excavate what's left of my core beliefs and best dreams in hopes that I might have the courage to eventually begin a creative process of rebuilding and reconstructing spiritual praxis in the context my own community of sojourners. What's the fear in it all? It's that it will never materialize or that I'll have to do it alone. One of the the greatest things about the TransFORM community in general is that it was populated with a great cloud of witnesses who have gone before me in this process...Experiencing that up close breathed life into what is for me too often a deflated and defeated hope when it comes to me and my relationship to 'the church'.

It's not so difficult to re-imagine vibrant faith, spirituality and community in a "liberated space" ripe with diversity, creativity, love...and unconditional acceptance. It was so easy for me to relax in this safe 'Hush Harbor' ( thanks Anthony for the great analogy) with people who understand what it feels like to be rejected and held in contempt by some evangelical communities today, like the one I came from. I could see the out working of the gifts within the body and the leveling of the playing field...the humility of them all...just doing their own unique thing in the context of togetherness...it manifested like a great orchestra with every instrument playing...creating a magnificent overture. It was, I think THE WAY it's all supposed to be. Most of the time I sat and soaked in it...and dreamed about there being similar communities all over the world for people who wanted to be a part of something like that.

I heard some pretty powerful messages too...my little composition book of notes is now like a sacred text. Truth and Hope were communicated to me in so many ways and by so many prophets...I certainly feel TransFORMed by much of it. I believe the experience has and will continue to shape my spiritual future...yet I have a long way to go and a lot to still overcome. But alas...those thoughts and epiphanies will have to wait for another post to them any justice! To be continued...