Letter to the H8ers...

H8ers, I just want you to know that I have been going through one of the most difficult seasons of my life in connection with my faith. I am NOT where I used to be but I am NOT without Christ. He promised NEVER to leave me or forsake me. I know you believe the Bible is always clear and literal, this seems so clear...should I take IT literally?

I am only starting to catch a faint glimpse of how much bigger and compassionate God is...so much bigger than I ever understood before. I am told in scripture that His mercy is new every morning and His compassion does not fail...I also read that he will not crush a tender reed or snuff out a faintly burning flame, right now...I feel like that's speaking to me. It's reported that He cares for the broken hearted and HE will leave the 99 who are 'secure', to find the one that might wander and appear to be lost. Can I take THAT literally? If I am as lost as you fear...then I'll trust Jesus to mean what he says. I KNOW I will hear his voice as I have before...Your voices do not sound like His to me...lalalalala...I'm not listening any more!

You have NO idea of the loss that I've suffered...personally, emotionally and spiritually, as a result of prior church abuse and the way that things really went down at the last 'church' we attended with you...the one you still pimp. It ALMOST...ALMOST, took everything...it practically distroyed my faith...but...I feel like there is still a tiny bit of God residue left and I am clinging to that and trusting that God to make sense out of it some day. In the mean while...as I work/walk out my own salvation with fear and trembling...sticking as close to the example Jesus lived as I can; I rest in knowing the best news of all is that I (as well as all the other souls in the world) will NOT answer to you when we pass from this life to the next...

I want you to know that experiencing this unnecessary ordeal with you...the demonstration of your lack of understanding...and your lack of DESIRE to understand, has not caused me to want to persue the faith that you live and and seem to delight in scaring others into...In fact, I don't want to look anything like you.

Your public lies and attempts to shame and humiliate me, my husband as well as so many other people you've been 'friends' with thru the years, has done just that. I feel condemned and judged and beaten up.

Mission acomplished

Here's the deal though...I just can't find any examples of Jesus employing the same methods in communicating the 'good news'. I can't ever recall Him shaming the "lost" sinner into the kingdom...well, except maybe the anal retentive Pharisee's but not the whore, tax collector or other 'undesirables' like me. Certainly he didn't blow them off with trite LOL's as he's dissing them on FB.

? LOL ?

SO...with that...you have confirmed to me that you are selling something I do not want. Was that your intention? Because though you probably don't care and wouldn't believe it any way...the truth is, in the last two days, you have helped to aggitate only partially healed wounds, doing as much to push me away from your message...aka...the only true way in Christ message , as any unfortunate and abusive church experience I've endured in the past.

You have not demonstrated the fruit of the spirit. I don't expect you to get this either...for obvious reasons...but...if you have, as you report, communicated my folly to me 'in Love at all...why does it feel like the sadistic love of an abusive parent or spouse? There is no joy, peace, patience, goodness, kindness, gentleness, faithfulness and especially self control in the way you have chosen to talk to me, as well as about me IRL and on FB to people we don't even know. That is GOSSIP that borders on slander. It's my understanding that if God marked our any of our transgressions...who could stand? Is that literal or figurative?

I admit...unlike Jesus, one of my biggest vices is being vendictive...I suppose this blog post is a good example.I suck. But man, I am so tempted to expose your sin. I feel like it would make my heart happy to uncover it ALL to anyone who would take the time to read it here. But, I know that rush of adrenaline and feeling of you getting what you deserve...would be quickly replaced by terrible remorse and failing to do unto others as I would have them do unto me. I could do it. I could put it all out there...but what would that do? It might make me feel pretty powerful and superior for 9 seconds...and then...I'd hate me. And...if I am able to discern the voice of Jesus...it seems he's reminding me that He wouldn't do that to you...no matter what. *sigh* It's hard for me to die to myself.

Having observed your actions personally and virtually, the only thing I can surmise is that you know your shit stinks...maybe worse than most...and you are afraid that God is going to bust you. You project that fear in your message...hoping it will make up for the all the times you've failed. It's the only thing that could possibly explain why you work so hard to create a pious, sanctimonious identity on FB. WOWING gullible 'friends' with your ability to copy and paste cherry picked scripture in to status updates...trying to underscore your fear of a God that delights in the idea of tormenting lost sinners...just like you and me...in an eternal hell forever.

I really wish you could know how much damage you have done...I tried to tell you. I tried to share my story...I tried to explain it to you. But you responded by acting like an 8th grade bully...threatening me with God's wrath. You resorted to using sarcasm, attempting to cover up for and even blame me for your flippant and hurtful words. It's sad to me that you missed the message of humility and meekness in the life of Christ, as well as the idea of stiving for peace and reconcilitation. I wish you would STOP neglecting the best part of the message, it's so unhelpful.

I guess at this point...if I've misunderstood your actions or words...I'd have to place the fact that "I just don't GET IT...or I MISSED IT THIS TIME", on your shoulders. Are you preaching it...are you bringing it? Then it's your responsibility to deliver the message with clarity. Thats the law of communication. If there are misunderstandings...then it is your job to communicate MORE CLEARLY. Sadly though, I don't think I "missed it". What you've communicated and miscommunicated "so clearly" has without a doubt distroyed my interest in your message...forever. I actually think that's something I should celebrate...I refuse to believe in the gospel of H8ers.

Now with that said and with the provocation of friends...I am cutting you out...and off. I will be relieved to have you completely out my life...you have been sources of pain and disappointment for a while and if, as you suspect is true, I have failed to internalized the 'only true way in Christ' as communicated and modeled by you...its because your actions and lack of love got in the way.