Excuses

To be honest, the idea of creating a blog has been a sort of bi-polar experience for me. While I feel almost compelled to write...I am terrified to actually do it. I visit the blogs of others and I feel completely comfortable leaving a post(or 2)...even a post that stirs up a little shit. Yet, I have not been able to take the step and do my own thing. I am a chicken. Maybe you can relate and...maybe you can't.

I am also fairly uninterested in the technical side of the blogging ...doing the set up process and then creating something visually 'cool' or 'beautiful' that will accurately represent 'me'. This excuse has served me well on many occasions when I am asked whether I blog. Unfortunately, I have avoided having to face my REAL internal hang-ups and anxieties until NOW.

My oldest daughter recently learned that I have in fact written a couple of articles for on-line publications and inquired, "Mom, why don't you have a blog...?" I throw out my well rehearsed answer..."because I have nothing to say that hasn't already been said better by someone else." She, being a very smart 15 year old replies, " How about that article you just wrote for Communitas Collective?"

Surprised by her retort...I stammer..."Well uh, gee Hannah, that's an interesting thought. But...(I pause shifting to my back up statement that will put this blog idea to bed for now, response) I have no idea how to create a blog and I am not especially interested in doing that part...ya know?" I forget that Hannah is not only cunning, she is also a whiz at whipping up blogs and has done so for herself as well as her sister and her friends. I sense I have been out smarted.

I shouldn't have been surprised that after a brief interview of what kinds of objects, colors etc I am 'feeling' into right now...she disappears for a few minutes and in that time, creates for me the blog you see here. "So, what NOW mom"....?

Hannah removed some of the more glaring obstacles I put up to avoid facing the anxiety of writing and putting my own 'stuff' out there. She reminds me of 'me'...before I recently became more characterized by self doubt and fear...this is not a familiar place for me to camp out in, though I have apathetically lived in it for over a year now. Maybe this blog will be a venue to recover a little of me...and my voice...and a tiny shard of faith.

I actually have lots of thoughts, opinions and feelings I need to work out...and this might be the perfect place. Thank you Hannah for your encouragement and patience as this process will likely be slow to evolve.

~Joy