SPIRITUAL SH*T-SANDWICH

There's a subtle yet undeniable force at work in the world, whether one chooses to acknowledge it or not, The 'Law of Cause & Effect' or more simply getting what you give. Some people call it Karma...others call it sowing and reaping or even living by the Golden Rule. It's a universal truism and no one religion or people group has the corner market on it...It's always at work everywhere and it's a beautiful thing...most of the time.

In its most obvious form it may manifest on a BIG grocery shopping day, when you have 137 items in your cart and reluctantly notice the gramma behind you, clutching a can of 'chunk light tuna' in one hand and a package of toilet paper in the other, sensing her impatience and urgency you are compelled to give-up your place in line...to her. Now, it's also true that you may "do unto others as you would have done unto you" many times over before the glorious day arrives that someone generously concedes their place in line to you... Ah But eventually it does happen and in those moments faith in humanity as well as in the beauty of sowing and reaping is revitalized.

However, beyond a few very pedestrian examples of "Karma come-back" unfolding daily, I have recently become aware of a bonus 'spiritual law' at work in my life...As far as I can tell...it's sole purpose seems to be to specifically help me 'keep it real'. Reminding me over and over that I see through a darkened glass (like limo tint) when it comes to truly knowing the depths of myself and understanding my own motives and actions.

In my life this phenomena is irreverently referred to by me as the "spiritual sh*t-sandwich", Irrefutably recognized as a unique hand-crafted 'situation or circumstance' served up I believe, by God almighty himself ...in order to expose and hopefully correct my hypocrisy, lack of love and arrogant egotism. I'm never exactly sure where and when a 'big-one' will get served...but statistically as I survey the past 5 years of my life, I can see definite connections to the times I've indignantly chosen to stand against a person, circumstance or idea...intending to label them/it as damned or at the very least unacceptable and wrong...which always involves passing judgement with overwhelming self-righteousness thru 'loveless' lenses of my limited perspective and tainted knowledge.

The Spiritual Sh*t sandwich...sure...it's a crass title for a spiritual law...but listen people, I've tried my best to keep the swears to a minimum here until now. For those who know me personally this is no easy task. This is one blog that cannot be sterilized for the delicate pallet... it is what it is. Now, just in case butter doesn't melt in your mouth or you've recently disposed of all your potty mouth friends after another careful study of the book of James...perhaps a few definitions regarding this spiritual phenomena would be helpful:

First, a spiritual sh*t-sandwich is not the typical everyday-variety sh*t-sandwich...While those can have a spiritual dimension depending on the topic matter...I find they are more simply the occasions when I confidently assert my assurance of an innocuous 'fact' or body of knowledge...only to find out almost immediately that I was completely and totally wrong-o. In my universe...there always seems to be a trivia pursuit champion in the immediate vicinity who knows 'the facts' and quickly corrects my misinformation...and I get 'served'...other than possible embarrassment there is little suffering involved.

The spiritual sh*t sandwich on the other hand, can certainly expose more simplistic varieties of stupidity and contradiction, but specializes in supernaturally, over time, creating a real life paradigm shift in my world. While it may take years for God to actually prepare...serving up the not-so-tasty treat seems to happen almost instantaneously, like overnight. When I've been served a 'big-one', a divine shifting and sifting occurs, promptly ushering me into a new era spiritually and emotionally...introducing me to an unusually painful new season of 'reality' that mysteriously allows me to 'walk in that other person's shoes'. It's creative force can fit me in a twinkling of an eye...with an ultra sensitive empathy-filter, allowing me to feel with extreme conviction, the exact opposite of what I did...regarding certain people and ideas...especially the repugnant political and theological ones...I think God LOVES this!

I've eaten my fair share of these sandwiches over the past 5 years...that I never ordered and never saw coming. And the most amazing thing is, I never know I've been served until long after the fact. Here's just one example:

I once was the epitome of the celebrated evangelical...I loved my life as one of God's super elite professional church goers. I loved Sunday...I loved church...I loved serving...I loved the programs...I loved the music...and I loved inviting friends! I loved it even more when those friends came and began to eventually give themselves over to loving church too. On the other hand...I could not comprehend why some people wanted nothing to do with the 'traditional' church...even a cool-contemporary-one like mine? It totally blew my mind when a person professed a vibrant faith in God yet wanted NOTHING to do with going to church! WILD!
On several occasions...I became so troubled by these confounding exchanges that I provoked hostile arguments using the Bible and sermon notes to highlight their error and delusion...hoping to lead them back into the fold.
If you know my story up to now, you know that I no longer 'go' to church in the traditional institutional sense. I don't even know how that happened...I don't feel as though I choose this path. In fact, I'm not sure if I was pushed (for my own safety of course) or if I jumped on my own volition, off what felt to me like a sinking ship. At any rate...I fell out of love for the entire church process...I don't believe in most of the popular manifestations currently available to me. Today, church for me has become more specifically about who I am in relationship to Jesus and the Kingdom He came to establish. One of the ways I express that each week is by hanging out at my house with a small group of skeptics, outsiders, questioners, quitters, dreamers and rebuilders...

That, my friends, is a CLASSIC spiritual sh*t sandwich . I am now the person that I previously misunderstood...judged...condemned...and dismissed as useless in context to the body of Christ...ahhhhh...how ironic. There are too many examples of this powerful spiritual law at work in my life for me to share here...the above is just the most significant and life altering to date...And as hard to swallow as a 'Spiritual-sh*t-sandwich' can be...I truly believe that as a result of eating my share...I walk a little more humbly today ( and closer to Jesus) than I once did and that's a very good thing for everyone!

If you have a 'Spiritual-shit-sandwich' experience you'd like to share...I'D LOVE TO HEAR IT!

LENT... and the Labyrinth

Last year (2009) I became more aware of and interested in committing myself to the observance of Lent. After a previous Emerging Desert cohort discussion, I became even more compelled to find a place to officially begin the Lenten season. My friend Jamie knew I was interested in exploring the Labyrinth as a symbol of the Lenten journey. So, upon her suggestion, she and I and my pal Frances... went to the Episcopal Cathedral of Phoenix to participate in the Mass and imposition of ashes there...primarily because they have a ‘life-size’ replica of the Labyrinth from the Cathedral in Chartes France in their court yard. After arriving at the church, finding the Labyrinth was first on our agenda for the morning. Located in the courtyard, surrounded by a serene desert garden punctuated by simplistic modern glass and metal sculptures depicting traditional stations of the cross, the Labyrinth was almost unnoticeable until standing right on top of it.

I tend to have ‘romantic spiritual ideas"...like walking’ a labyrinth during Lent...Initially it’s easy for me to plan what I imagine will be ground-breaking spiritual learning opportunities I ‘need’ to have...until I am actually faced with the reality of doing it...then I panic or struggle with apathy. Standing at the entrance of the labyrinth, I felt both. I instantly became distracted by traffic noise, the light-rail coming and going...even the proximity of my friends who came to make the pilgrimage as well. But, the most invasive thought was that ‘someone’ might be ‘watching me’and maybe I’d mess up and do the Labyrinth ‘ass-backward’...so typical for me. For a moment, I didn’t know what to do or how to begin...? I felt awkward and silly. I had zero information on proper protocol involved with ‘labyrinth -walking’ if there even is such a thing ?!

After several minutes, I thought to open the book of common prayer I brought along, to the ‘Ash Wednesday’ entry; reading the meditation for the day out loud, I hesitantly stepped onto the brick pathway and cautiously began my Lenten journey. Now...the process of walking a labyrinth is in theory...really simple; follow a clearly marked path that meanders some what unpredictably towards the center. There is no way to get lost or stuck as long as you keep moving in a forward direction, you will eventually reach the destination. Easy! Yet somehow...only a few paces onto the winding pathway...I became panicked that I was NOT doing ‘it’ correctly. I worried that I had inadvertently missed a step or perhaps even retraced my steps unnecessarily. I imagined church staff or priests watching me from inside the Cathedral...shaking their heads in disdain. Several neurotic, unwelcome and what seemed to be random scattered thoughts cluttered my mind.

At some point along the way...I stopped to contemplate my surroundings...to ponder the process. When I resumed walking, I noticed both of my fellow Lenten sojourners had somehow stealthily passed me by, each on their own quest. For some weird reason this made me feel kind of frustrated and anxious...it bothered me that though I had initiated the process...somehow they were no doubt going to get to ‘the destination’ ahead of me! Interestingly, only a few minutes later...I was surprised to see those same friends walking towards me, but on what appeared to be a different path. We exchanged smiles and hugs as we passed. I noticed how closely I and my companions were to each other inside the Labyrinth at times and how difficult it was in those moments to discern who was ahead...and who was behind...Sometimes it seemed our paths would collide, then at that moment someone would come to one of the many internal hairpin turns and we’d instantly be traveling away from each other towards distant sides of the Labyrinth, making me wonder when we'd encounter one another while on this pilgrimage again?

More often though... I remember being extremely sensitive to the various times when ‘I’ came especially close to the center of the labyrinth, hugging the ‘outside edge’ of the inner most point of the destination...but at the same time...not really quite ‘there’. A few times...just when it seemed from my perspective I would momentarily reach the end of the journey...a 180-degree turn would take me all the way back to the outer most perimeter of the Labyrinth once again...with no way of discerning when I’d really truly arrive at the center.

The process of walking the Labyrinth took an unexpected amount of time...quickening my pace seemed to defeat the purpose of undergoing the journey to start with. Stopping along the way seemed counter productive as well, however, doing so offered opportunities to reflect and meditate...and to sort through all of those seemingly random and pesky thoughts I encountered throughout much of my experience. Quietly aware that my fellow pilgrims had reached the coveted destination in the very center of the Labyrinth,I began to wonder about the many invasive thoughts and ideas and their significance, if any, to what I was experiencing inside the Lenten Labyrinth. One-at-a-time the girls entered inward...each then sitting or kneeling in silence, reflecting on their own unique experiences no doubt. There was no cheering, high fives or knuckle bumps. Just quiet, humble contemplation.

Finally and almost by accident, I noticed that I too was nearing the end of my pilgrimage that dat... heading towards the very heart of the Labyrinth (a good few minutes behind the others that I had initially preceded) It was at that moment that I felt an illumination...an epiphany of sorts...deep in my spirit. I realized how obvious it all was. The confusing thoughts and images I encountered, struggled against and then dismissed as bizarre or disconnected were anything but random or lacking in meaning, instead, they were more like mile markers and road signs characterizing my real-life spiritual journey. They represented the exact issues and hang-ups I have encountered and continued to carry as baggage for legitimate reasons...or not, for most of my life as a Christian.

I started to understand quite well, how much the Labyrinth adventure that day mirrored my life and spiritual journey with Jesus up to that point. Not a linear trajectory of maturation always held up and esteemed in church institutions I was most familiar with...but a winding, complicated back and forth process that moved me (and others) towards deeper relationship with God at the center of all things. As I stepped into the middle rosette of the labyrinth...and rejoined my friends, I knelt, embracing my own journey and my own revelation in that place. My overwhelming sense at that moment was the need to repent of my self preoccupation, the obsession of measuring my performance and my distructive grasp for controling my circumstances and also, my compulsion to carry heavy unhelpful baggage with me for so long. I wondered if the Labyrinth had accomplished in me what it was designed to...despite my lack of understanding and expertise in it?

Later, at home, I researched The labyrinth...finding out only then it was ( and is still in some traditions) considered a compelling ancient symbol long used in the observation of the season of Lent. Ironically, one of its original intended purposes was to offer pilgrims who travel it, the opportunity to contemplate their lives and to repent of sinful and harmful self-focus. Following the twisting, turning paths, the pilgrim is constantly provided an actualization of making literal and symbolic changes in their life’s direction...turning them away from the old ways of thinking and functioning...sending them a whole new way. In so doing those on the labyrinth journey are drawn closer to the healer and center of all...GOD. This is the very nature of repentance. I certainly had no idea what to expect in this labyrinth exercise.I had no idea where to focus my eyes, ears, racing thoughts and heart. Yet. Despite that, I experienced revelation so unique, my personal issues and sickness became obvious to me by the end presenting an opportunity for me to change directions...to repent...and to embrace a new way of looking at my faith and myself while on my journey with Jesus.